Re: Surviving

[Ikuar]

Abby opened the door and smiled softly when she saw Anissa standing there, "Ah! I wasn't expecting company... but it's so nice to see you!" She hugged Anissa and then let her in, shutting the door behind the both of them. She had cleaned the house spotless, it almost sparkled as she'd finished unpacking boxes and putting things together that hadn't been done yet.
"I was just about to make some snacks, are you hungry?"

[Jayrin]

Anissa smiled softly as she unfastened Mika's vest. "You know I can always go for a snack or two." She laughed then, and stood straight. "Anyway, how have you been lately? Michael tells me you've been awful quiet of late. Are you holding up well?"

[Ikuar]

Abby had just stepped into the kitchen when she was asked. At first, she felt like it was better to just say she was doing well and that it was getting better. However, that would be a lie.
"It h-honestly hurts everyday. One night I woke up and thought it was just a nightmare and that she was crying in her room, but that was just a dream. I used to sit in there for a long time because it helped, but now I avoid it. I just want it all to go away, Anissa. It just hurts so bad, and then I feel terrible that I can hardly comfort Michael because I'm so torn up about it. I don't even know what to do! So I just work until I'm too tired to stay awake."

[Jayrin]

Anissa counted her steps until she was at the kitchen counter, then ran her fingers along the edge until she was beside Abby who she then wrapped up in a hug. "Losing a baby, whether it's been born or not is no small matter. Why did you start avoiding the room? It's a beautiful room, from what Zach has told me. You shouldn't avoid it, even if it hurts. When I lost my sister... I did everything wrong, believe me. If it was the wrong way to cope, I had been the one to do it." She sighed. "If you continue to avoid that room, and the things inside, and the memories, good or bad... then you'll be trapped in denial with no way out. You need to come to terms with this, even though it's painful. I'll help you the whole way there, alright?"

[Ikuar]

Abby nodded slowly, staring down at her hands after being hugged. "It's a beautiful room... I had a friend come over and paint butterflies on the walls, and there's a white crib underneath the window where the sun comes in. I bought so many different outfits... and sometimes I'll just go through the things and fold them. I... I always feel like I made a mistake somewhere, that I overdid it at some point... Michael tells me I couldn't have prevented it, but what if it was my fault? I just feel terribly guilty all the time now."

[Jayrin]

"Abby, don't do that to yourself." Anissa chided, reaching up to cup Abby's jaw in her hands. "Here's a little secret.... you're allowed to be happy after deaths like this. You're really allowed to, and it's okay. It's okay to move on, it's okay to try again, and it's perfectly alright if no one is blamed." Anissa's sightless eyes stared up at Abby, tears forming in them. "If you ever want to get past this hurt, you absolutely cannot blame yourself for this. Your husband is a doctor, and though he isn't an OB, he can still look at you tell whether or not you're healthy, so if he looks at you and tells you that it isn't your fault, you need to trust him. Trust him as your husband, and as someone who went to school for eight years of his life in order to know these things. It isn't your fault, and that's something you need to accept, and it's really okay to accept it. No one expects for you to blame yourself." She took Abby's hands, squeezing them in reassurance. "Plus, Mike tells me that he spoke with all the OB's in the hospital, and they each say that it was likely that the baby had a birth defect... and if she survived birth, she wouldn't have lived past the age of two. That, Dear One, is not your fault, okay?"

[Ikuar]

Abby felt her own tears coming. She'd barely cried at all since that day and she gave a slight nod, reaching out to hug Anissa tightly as she cried into her friend's shoulder. "Thank you... that really helps a lot and I feel so much better. I think I will try again, I really do want to try again!"

She was thankful to have a friend like Anissa to come in and tell her what needed to be said. It was a blessing that she had such wonderful company to surprise her that day.

[Jayrin]

Anissa returned the hug, gently rubbing her hand over Abby's back. "Good, I want to see you try again! You married a handsome man, and from what he tells me, you're a beautiful lady. You owe it to the world to have a lot of beautiful babies! Please don't give up... there are too many ugly people, and we need to dilute the ugly population by making more beautiful people, right?"

[Ikuar]

"I... I suppose." Abby laughed softly, "Thank you for coming over... that helped a lot. Maybe I can try to relax and just rest today instead of overworking myself. Do you still want snacks?" She turned back to the counter and began to put something together for the two of them.
She couldn't wait to tell Michael how much better she felt.

[Jayrin]

That night, Michael came home, locking the door behind him while Cad bumped his leg in pure excitement. "Hey, buddy." He chuckled, bending down to give the dog some much needed affection. "Abby, I'm home!" He called, not immediately seeing her. "Where's mommy?" He whispered to Cad, but instead of telling him, the husky just licked his face. "Ugh, yeah... that helps. Thanks."

[Ikuar]

Abby appeared from the back hall with a smile on her face, she looked happy instead of actually being fake as she had been recently. "Welcome home!" She smiled, approaching him so she could wrap him in a hug. "I missed you today. How was work? Oh, Anissa came by earlier!"

[Jayrin]

Michael offered her a loving kiss, not at all missing the skip in his wife's step. "Oh, did she? I'm sure that was a surprise; and work was pretty good. I didn't get shot, so that's always a plus." He chuckled, playing with a few strands of her hair. "What did you both talk about?"

[Ikuar]

"I opened up to her about how I felt about the baby..." Abby began, "I told her that it's painful and that I swallow myself up in work just to avoid thinking about it. But she was really comforting... she told me that it was okay to feel this way, that I should definitely try again." Abby smiled at him, "And I feel a lot better... it still hurts, but I feel like if we were to try, I would want to."

[Jayrin]

The grin that suddenly spread across Michael's face was one of immeasurable joy. "Really?" He almost couldn't believe it. He cupped her chin in his hands and placed a passionate kiss on her lips before picking her up in his arms and twirling her around. "Honey, that's so wonderful!" He set her down again, his hands shaking from relief and excitement. "Let's try now then, if that's okay." He'd been holding back on his urges while she grieved, knowing that her way of grieving was much different than his own. "I can't tell you how happy I am right now."

[Ikuar]

"Okay!" Abby giggled, kissing him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Almost a year later, Abby and Michael brought home their new daughter, Zoey Reid. She was a beautiful baby, Abby and Michael couldn't be more proud. After all the trials they faced, they were able to enjoy the peace with their two dogs and their tiny new family member. Things were finally getting better, and their friendships with Zachary and Anissa were only improving.

Life wasn't so isolated anymore. Abby knew that there would always be great challenges to face, but she also knew that at the end of the day, she could find comfort in God and in the family He'd given her.

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